The other thing that gives me such a good feeling is singing. Now we have a breakaway group and Mind has agreed to let us come here and practice art. I’ve got other people to talk to and I know nobody is judging because we’re all in the same position. The art class gave me two hours of not thinking because I’m concentrating on creating something in front of me. I’ve never sung, painted or done anything like that. I actually do things that I’ve never done before. I smile and try and fake it as much as I can but inside I can’t really remember the last time I felt happy or content.Ĭoming to Newport Mind is fabulous. I don’t want to go out or people to come to my door. People don’t understand how depression can affect you. Like a pressure has lifted and I can begin to move on.Įveryone says that carers do a wonderful job, but once someone has died I feel like it is ‘tough, get back to work’. I’m so used to be able to sort things out myself that to admit that I couldn’t was very difficult. I’ve run offices, I’ve worked for the police, I’ve had a lot of responsibility. I smile and try and fake it as much as I can but inside I can’t really remember the last time I felt happy or content.' Nobody came, friends had vanished as their lives continued while mine stopped. The depression had been there for a while but I felt like a prisoner in my own home. Without Mind, I don’t know where I would be. They filed in the supporting the application and referred me to housing and tenancy support. She put the claim to the tribunal and came with me and helped me with a letter of support to get a new home. She filled in all the benefit forms in for me and explained what needed to be done. They took their time to listen to everything that was going on. I came and had an interview and they were wonderful. I worried about letters coming through the door, just a constant fear of what’s next… I was at such a low, then I found Newport Mind. I didn’t know where to go or what to do, I was in a terrible state. 'Without Mind, I don’t know where I would be.' I was deemed fit for work even though I had been diagnosed with depression, suffered panic attacks and was waiting for a brain scan to check for MS. I even had to send back some of the payments. My carers allowance lasted for 6 weeks after he died and of course all of his money stopped. I would do it again, but I lost everything looking after my husband. For 18 years I’d been out of work, looking after family. Then I had to move from our home because I had two bedrooms and got hit with the bedroom tax. When my husband died I suddenly had time to think and grieve. I worried about letters coming through the door, just a constant fear of what’s next…' 'I didn’t know where to go or what to do, I was in a terrible state. I had to sleep in the chair next to his bed.ĭuring this time I had cared for and lost my mum, dad and other family members so I didn’t really have any time to stop and think about what was going on or grieve for my family. His hallucinations and panic attacks were so frightening for him that I couldn’t even go to the toilet without him calling for me. I couldn’t even open the blinds because he would see people outside who weren’t there. I had been caring for him for 18 years as he had been ill with Parkinson’s, Alzheimer’s and lots of other illnesses which meant I needed to be there for him 24 hours a day. When I first came to Mind, my husband had just died.

I soon found out i was losing my mind